You're already out of the past. See why we are not out of the past? Because we think that we had free will in the past. We could have taken the left turn when we took the right turn. And you think that because you had free will in the past, your future is destined. Because you have already taken the right turn, so what will you do? You have to go on the same road.
So you think your future is destined versus your past was free will. It is the opposite. That had to happen. It has happened. Finished. Now what are you going to do? This point onward. You know in Word there is a formatting thing that says format document "This point onward." There is a whole thing in Word. If you do document formatting. Let's say you are in portrait mode and you go to landscape mode. You can say this point onwards it's landscape mode. Life is like that. The memory is there.
You are not very happy with that memory and the fact that you are not happy with the memory keeps the memory there for even longer. And then you are not even happy with that, then it keeps it even longer. This is exactly how vrutti is formed. This is vrutti. That impression becomes engrained on the shell which is obstructing the light from shining. This is vrutti. Patanjali speaks about this. This is the whole problem. The whole Yoga Sutra starts by recognizing that there are vruttis. The vruttis are coming from memory and memory is coming from interaction that is frictional. We have talked about all this stuff in the Patanjali Yoga Sutras. If you haven't heard it, go listen to it.
So this is what happens. So you say fine, that thing happened. There is no way to turn back the arrow of time. It is only one directional. It is only going forward. You cannot go back. At least we don't know how to go back yet. At our level, at the level of the boss, he can do anything. We are not at that level yet. At our level, we are stuck with going only one direction in time. So yeah, I can imagine that. Memories are painful. Which is why doing Silence courses is highly advisable.
Because in Silence courses, again, it is a principle of indirect action. You are doing something else, observing the flow of breath in the nostril and sitting through those highly torturous sessions of hollow and empty and nothing is bloody happening and what the heck, get me out of here. All this is happening. But by God, on the emotional level, it is being cleansed like you won't even believe it. It is amazing. These things will just disappear over time.
I will give you my own example. So I was in engineering school in 1991, third year of engineering and then I got a phone call that my mom had passed away. I went home and did all the last rites, all this stuff, came back to hostel and I thought my life is over, finished. Then over time I sort of accepted it, whatever. I didn't even accept it. I just suppressed it. And then life happened, I got married etc. And then we did the Art of Living course and then Kriya happened, all that. And then I did like four or five Silence courses. In India you call it Advanced courses. I did four or five Silence courses and on the fifth or sixth one, suddenly this whole emotion came up. There was a grieving loss there. It just came up and it just went. It took six, four or five Silence courses for this. I didn't even know that this was inside. I was really happy. I was like okay, fine, done. I have dealt with it. The word in English is dealt with it. Then it came up and it was a huge relief. It takes time. Depending on how deeply you have compacted these things, it takes time. And this is only one lifetime. Who knows what I have repressed for so many lifetimes. कितना baggage लेके घुम रहा हूँ मैं? Who knows?
Which is why you have to keep doing. Nayrantarya Punah-Punah. Again, again. हम लोगो को लगता है एक Silence course कर लिया, अभी तो I am king. Boss, थोड़ा ठंड रख। Only one Silence course, not going to do anything. Many, many. At least once a year you can do. अभी तो now it's online. अभी तो कुछ जाना ही नहीं है कहीं पे. It's just online. Once a year, twice a year at least you can do. We do twice a year. Madhuri and I, we do Silence courses twice a year. And I would not have, I would not have done it on my own but because Madhuri is there, alright, you know who is the driver.
So do it twice a year, कर लो। At least once a year तो करो। Daily do sadhana, do seva. These are all expressions. These are all ways to indirectly work on the mind. Find the gratitude in your life. Do all this stuff. Then you will see those memories lose the hold on you. They will come, they just go away.